I am a doer.
A yes girl.
A “spread myself too thin”er.
And that’s why I LOVE yoga.
It takes me to that sweet spot where my mind gets to be empty, my heart full, and my body flexible, uncomfortable, warm, present.
But I have to be honest. I have NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING!!!
Oh yes people, it’s about to get REAL up in here.
I’m the Queen of self-help, self-care, self-love, and I struggle with ALL THREE!
I would rather dig in and be of service to others than take that time out for myself. I can’t remember the last time I got a pedicure, a manicure, or went shopping for myself. Although I have purchased some awesome yoga gear online, but it’s not the same as going alone or with friends into the store and having that experience of taking that TIME for myself, trying on the clothes, interacting with the sales people, enjoying lunch out or a warm latte.
Then there’s the BRUTAL self-talk that plays like a broken record in my mind:
You’re a failure.
You can’t do this.
You’re not good enough, not smart enough, not brave enough…you get it, right?
Can anyone relate? I know I’m not alone in these feelings, these experiences.
The BEAUTY to all of this doom and gloom (self-imposed, I know) is that I don’t have to live here, unpack here, stay here.
It’s like the ebb and flow of water, the tide rises, the tide falls.
Once upon a time I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. How much of that was accurate and how much of that was misdiagnosed because of drugs and alcohol, I’m not sure. What I do know (and DO NOT take this as advice of what you should do, I’m just sharing my own personal experience) is that in SOBRIETY I was able to get off my meds and get in to my presence. I have hard days. And when they are hard, they are REALLY HARD.
But I know they will pass, just as the days of elation do. We are living, breathing, evolving human BEINGS. Maybe bliss isn’t about being so happy you could explode into glitter and rainbows, maybe it’s just having the awareness to take that breath and find gratitude in the moments that make me feel defeated. Maybe that’s the secret all the yogis have figured out that led them to enlightenment. JUST BE -whatever it is- good, bad, indifferent -JUST BE.
This weekend I’m going on a solo journey to the Cleveland area to add Buti certification to my Yoga teaching menu. And I’m super excited and super nervous, which for me, means it’s the right choice.
You see, this is not “good timing” for me. I set a big goal for my virtual coaching purpose this year that is going to take A LOT of time and energy to manifest. Opening a yoga studio this year is not ideal. But when is it ever ideal? Life happens, our plates pile sky high, and we find it hard to take that time to just BE. And if I’m already struggling with that, why in the world would I add one more BIG thing to my plate???
Becauase it’s what I was made to do. Serve my community by creating a space for them to come and dig into their own personal practice, and journey to their innermost selves, in a space that will SERVE THEM at my highest possible level.
I am a LIGHTWORKER. I am creating a Wellness Movement. Globally with my virtual coaching and Locally with my studio. I have to (as my recovery sponsor says) put on my big girl panties and just Trust in my Creator who made me to SHINE.
You got it.
I am open, ready, and willing to fully step into my purpose to help others recognize their own lights were made to SHINE.
Let’s do this!
…stay tuned for my thoughts on my training this weekend in Cleveland…